It's Time to Dive In

Have you ever just been ready?

As I promised months ago, I want to share how I got started on this crazy spiritual journey.

I think I knew as a child that I felt things in a different way than other kids my age. I could SEE my imaginary friends. You know, like see their faces, their hair, and the clothes they wore. I thought that is how everyone was. I talked to them, and in my head, they talked back. I didn't tell anyone this because I thought everyone did this. I had a great imagination, but everyone in my family did. We were always coloring, crafting, singing, and playing games. I loved to be outside, and I loved to look at the sky. I would spend hours playing with my imaginary friends, and we would see what we could see in the clouds.

After that, I attended school and everything was different.

I began to realize I had a hard time learning the way things were taught to us then. Now I know I am a visual learner as well as leaning by what is talked about. It took me a long time to be able to read with confidence and math still is not my strong suit. But all along my grade school years I wanted to be liked. Well, not liked, loved and accepted. I was a fairly happy child.

When Jr. High came with the emotional hormones of those teenage years is when I noticed friends were changing and social cliques were forming. You know... cheerleader, jocks, nerds... and being who I was I wasn't ever sure where I fit in. But on ward and upward right?

With the high school years came the first boyfriend, the first kiss, and finding my friends and the things that made me happy. Oh, and alcohol. Yeah, alcohol. This is a magic elixir that made me more fun and made the people I was with more fun. It made the music more fun to dance to and gave us something to do on the weekends in a small town in Kansas.

Then came sex.

Wow, this boy must love me right?

Okay, but what about the one who date raped me and called me a prick tease? Must have been my fault, right?

Oh, but now I have found the love of my life. I'm a senior in high school and I know everything, and I know he is 25 and I'm 18, but that's okay because he loves me. And we all know that love will keep us together and alive and is the answer. That's what all the songs were saying and the movies were telling me. I don't need to even get through the first semester of college because I finally feel loved, and besides... who else am I going to love me and marry me? I better go with what I've got because you are not a complete woman without a home and children.

Can ya see where this is going?

Can you see the pattern here?

Yep! I did the whole thing. I went against my parents' wishes and quit college to marry an alcoholic who, I have to say, loved me as much as he knew how. I was by far not innocent. I drank too. I joined in the fighting just as much as he did. But I did become a caretaker, which I now think was also something I longed for - something I could love unconditionally and that would love me back if I nurtured it enough.

But after 17 years of marriage, I gave up. I couldn't take it anymore. It just wasn't working. I know you're shocked.

There is way more to the story and maybe someday I will share, but for now I will just say after sowing some wild oats and a suicide attempt, I found my way.

After marrying my husband Phil, whom I adore more than I could have imagined, I embarked on my exploration of energy medicine.

I had one polarity treatment and from there I was hooked. How did I not know that this thing called energy was so powerful and healing? I was like a sponge. I wanted to learn it all. I took my first Reiki class in 2007 and haven't stopped since.

Next week, I will delve into the hows and wherefores of the energy modalities that I have learned and how they have affected my life.

This was just the "testing the water with your toe" day today. Testing the water before the deep dive!

May you be blessed.

May you find your bread.

May you be at peace.